Todd’s Blogaroni

2011-10-15T18:16:00.000-07:00

This is a very tame version of a Picasso-esque caricature of myself... actually, the only thing remotely similar to Picasso is the left eye. Feel free to interpret it anyway you want. I love Picasso, Klee and Miro so expect to see additional playful attempts to capture that direction.

2011-09-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

Day 3’s caricature was due yesterday but like most things these days, it had to wait. I think this accurately describes my mood earlier...

2011-09-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

If my neck is burning as much as it is right now, tomorrow's sketch will show the Hindenburg crashing into my scruff.

2011-09-22T07:20:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to reconnect with my blog I will attempt to create 30 day's of self-sketches... I reserve the right to quit at anytime if my efforts are a horrible failure. Thank you.

(p.s. This doesn't really look like me... for some reason I always think my head is shaped like a gelcap.)

2011-09-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

This is a little ditty concocted for our Customer Service Team... Anyone associated with the early days of Disney's Always Fresh line will recognize the CSA reference. Fun stuff.

2011-09-22T07:13:00.001-07:00

And here is the final of the previous post...

2011-09-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

This is a guy I work with... he's very charismatic.

2011-04-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've disappeared... things have been way too busy and I've done far too little to balance the nuttiness. Until I carve out a bit of time and assuming I do something productive, and cool, check out Mr. Quinn's blog. Later.

2011-01-22T06:45:00.000-08:00

Why "Pin The Tail On The Donkey?" One theory is that more than a few donkeys are born with either no tail or just a tiny nub and it's the child's responsibility to remedy what The Creator was unable to do. Others are convinced that the game is actually a symbol of predicting the future, as demonstrated by the way in which the kid must attempt to hit the right spot despite being blindfolded and spun 'til too dizzy to stand. If the child is successful at hitting the spot, she is clearly gifted and needn't worry about disease, poverty and republicans. As you can see, none of the children from Zooey's seventh birthday party will be immune. Damn donkey.

2011-01-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

Oh boy. An invite to a dinner party from 10+ years ago... why do I even have this?

2011-01-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

Here's a sneaker concept I cobbled together when I was trying to become a shoe designer... no one cared so I stopped caring. Fuckers.

2011-01-04T18:52:00.000-08:00

Another trip down memory lane... my friend Matt made a movie about a one-armed alcoholic monkey whose dream was to be a pom-pom for a division II cheerleader. Anyhow, he needed booze labels that resembled the real thing and this is what I gave him. I think this was 10 years ago...

2011-01-04T18:44:00.000-08:00

I just stumbled across this little ditty I composed for the owner of the Cheesestore of Silver Lake... I can't exactly remember which one was ultimately selected but it was fun looking at old French food logos for reference. Not much choice in using Peignot though it's not a bad fit. (Funny thing about Peignot is it's the font I chose to use on my resume masthead back in college – what an asshole. Whatever I was trying to be wasn't such a good idea.)

2011-01-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and it's already going a million miles an hour... too bad the tension in my neck and two fat corks in both nostrils is making everything extra crappy. Strange that after so many years I'm still such a wuss-bag whenever I get sick... the problem is I'm barely functional on my good days so when my mind is fogged, forget about it. My wife calls me Mr. Magoo and it's not undeserved. (If I had a pencil handy, I think a drawing of me as Magoo with two corks stuck in my nose wouldn't be wrong.) Seeing I haven't much to offer, I'm going to dig in my archives for a few things that will further cement me as a second-tier talent... first up is another birthday card. (I'm beginning to feel like a birthday clown with the same stupid balloon tricks.) This is of Ruthie who is a designer in my office... she's a good kid with good talent... there's nothing terrifically odd about her so it's a fairly tepid caricature... she likes to bake so I gave her a jello mold which has nothing to do with baking but was needed for visual flavoring.

2010-10-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

Too much going on... finding it nearly impossible to concentrate... drawing Homer losing his mind provides some cathartic pleasure.

2010-10-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

My Simpsons skills are pretty spectacular contexted within a small, vitamin company in Vermont. Back at Fox, I was rarely, if ever, asked to draw anything Simpsons related... and for good reason: I'm a designer not a character artist. That said, I've picked up a few things along the way which makes it possible for me to Simpsonize folks for their birthdays. Maybe one day I can become a valued resource to the Connecticut River Valley in the same way that maple syrup or apples or granite or fall foliage has become synonymous to the region. Perhaps bus loads of people will travel far and wide to experience their own half-cocked caricature by a one-time Creative Director responsible for some of the finest Homer key fobs ever licensed and subsequently lost in the kitchen junk drawer. In LA, I was just another dope jonesing for a Range Rover; here I'm king of the world. It's good to be king.

In any event, the king cobbled this together for Jennifer's 28th birthday... she's from Jersey so receiving anything that's not gold-plated is fresh and wonderful. I went with number five.

2010-09-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

I'm only posting this to change the visual... tired of looking at Jill huluing. More to come but my brain just froze so I'm not sure what's coming but like most postings, it'll be a doozy. (That's not true but how often do you get to say/write "doozy?") By the way, this is my fantasy hockey logo.

2010-07-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

This is an illustration I did of Jill and how I got here from there. I know, fascinating.

2010-07-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Be sure to see Steph's show at La Mama beginning August 14 in NYC. Go to feedthemonstershow.com for all you need to know. Damn it. (This image is for the program.)

2010-07-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

"Krill" is Norwegian for "whale food"—an apt name for this essential building block for life in the Southern Ocean. Growing to six centimeters (a little more than an inch) long, and often living in dense swarms several miles wide, the shrimp-like crustacean is crucial to many birds and mammals.

Krill is rich in oil brimming in omega-3 fatty acids that Norwegian and Canadian companies sell in pills. The crustaceans are also harvested for special enzymes that can be used by surgeons to clean wounds, even to clean contact lenses. And the pinkish remains after processing can be used as fish meal, for example to give salmon flesh a richer pink color.

Why does salmon need to be colored pink? Isn't it pink already?

Not the farm-raised salmon. It's been industrialized for your consumption under the guise, and color, that it's good for you. Maybe it's better for you than eating a deep-fried burger but it's benefits are hollow compared to what you're expecting.

Duped again.

But fishing krill isn't all about pinking pale salmon... it's a b'zillion dollar industry that's being horribly over-fished to the point where the ocean's ecosystem is on the verge of collapsing.

Once again man's need to consume beyond any normal rate of moderate intelligence has created a global crisis.

What can you do? Consume responsibly. Eat organically. Read the labels and buy intelligently.

2010-07-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

Haven't really decided where I'm going with this but if it's not ultimately grotesque and putrid, I will have missed the mark. I think it's a good start on capturing the ugly, blind ignorance of someone who has committed an egregious wrong but the red suggests something evil when, in fact, she's too stoopid to be evil. Hopefully, I'll be done with it soon and move on to fascinations more sugarly ridiculous.

2010-07-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

This is a doodle I found on my desk... not sure what's prompting the expression but the numbers are the dimensions of a web page that doesn't yet exist. In any event, it's a good representation of the thumb-headed characters I doodle in the margins of the notebook.

2010-06-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

Deceit and greed ain't pretty but it's fun to interpret.

2010-06-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

This is just the beginning…

2010-06-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to add this for awhile but various distractions always seemed to conspire against me... I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not my fault. Anyhoo, the story behind this is as follows: one weekend not long ago, the family and I were in Keene, New Hampshire and I was desperately in need of a haircut. For too long I rode the nutty-professor-look way past amusement into a realm of sad dishevelment... looking not unlike one of those guys who live down by the river. Clearly I needed some styling. Unfortunately we happened across an old barbershop that doesn't style: it just cuts. Frank the Barber became irate when I asked him to shorten the sides and back but leave some length on top. With his oxygen tubes inserted into his nostrils, he grunted and gruffled that he doesn't style, he just cuts hair. He kept repeating his credo until we left. Ah, small-town charm.

The quality isn't so great because I had to take a photo on my iPhone. sorry.

2010-04-14T08:27:00.001-07:00

Here's the latest, and hopefully the greatest, poster design for "Feed the Monster." It was suggested by some pork-eating fiend the tag line should read: Sex, Jugs and Rock 'n' Roll but my hand gets too trembly drawing breasts so we'll leave it as-is for the time being.

2010-04-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

Lots of birthdays in the office lately... Dr. Noga is not an actual doctor but her knowledge concerning all-things from bird calls to septic systems to packaging is beyond a normal person's repertoire. Pat, also known as The Noganator, can kill a healthy man with no more than a finger poke.

2010-04-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Jade just turned 30... I think she's too smart to not know the other side of the mountain is simply an ass-scratcher for gigantic trolls, but her natural goodness should keep the stench from sticking for years and years.

2010-04-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

Pat's birthday was just the other day... she's very pretty so the next time I have to draw her, I'll have to pass her through the ugly filter.

2010-04-07T08:07:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's Don... Don Imus. He has prostate cancer and one of the ways he's dealing with it is by using one of our products, Zyflamend. He's not the prototypical spokesperson for a small health food/supplement company located in the Green Mountain State. But good health is universal and Mr. Imus began singing our praises without an endorsement deal. Instead of suing him, we're going to enlist him to be a part of a public service announcement for men to have their prostate checked. By a doctor. This is one of the comps I cobbled together for presentation – it took a great deal of discipline to not "go-to-town" with Mr. Imus... he's got a mug for caricaturing.

2010-04-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I think in my attempt to work out the kinks I've created more difficulties... we'll see.

What we have here are two new possibilities to what I've previously posted. Stephanie, featured in all three comps, asked if I could eliminate the double-chin I added from the first and accentuate her lashes – one of her more lovely attributes. No big whoop. In the earlier comp, I added pounds to her face because she's playing a Mama Cass-like character... there were no objections at first but as others weighed-in, I'm guessing none were too pleased with the extra jowliness. Steph has an attractive mien and let's face it: no one wants to pay to see or empathize with a jiggling jello-neck. (It's true – you know who you are.) Using the iconic mask from The Phantom of The Opera is one thing to sell a show; scruff-gut in any form is a marketing disaster. That said, I think the singing pose has potential but needs more artistic expression – I need to avoid making her look like she just stubbed her toe. The other is more sultry although the hebrew letters make it too kitschy... definitely need to change to the psychedelic stuff.

2010-03-26T13:54:00.001-07:00

It's 5:02 and that means it's "Time to Get The Led Out!" Well, back in the day, working at the teddy bear company, my co-worker (Diane) and I would play Zeppelin... today all I hear is the drone of the server mixed in with the flushing toilet from the folks upstairs. (No clue what they do up there besides clomping and flushing.) In any event, this time of day always makes me smile, albeit briefly, in fond remembrance of blasting "Dazed and Confused."

It's the weekend and I'm fairly certain we've got nothing planned other than me and Ms. Wifey McNutzo trying to make sense of our taxes. Having lived in four different states – California, Massachusetts, Vermont and New Hampshire – over the last eight months may confuse us beyond our meager ability to fill out the paperwork correctly but what-the-fuck... we'll see what can be done. I think there's a sugaring-off function at a nearby farm we might attend...

I wonder what's for dinner.

2010-03-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

This is a little poster I've been working on for a friend's one-woman show entitled, "Feed the Monster". The show should be fantastic... so should the poster but clearly I have a few things to work on.

2010-03-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

My co-worker, Erin, makes requests upon our department constantly... naturally, a voodoo doll of her was my only remedy. This sketch is the actual size of Erin.

2009-03-31T16:19:00.000-07:00

My entertainment is far less than one might imagine for a guy living in Lipstick City. Understand, I'm not complaining but it is weirdly funny that drinking wine from a coffee mug and doodling on a Saturday night is my version of "steppin' out." Naturally this occurs after Hockey Night in Canada which, coincidentally, reminds me of being a young teen in the burbs wanting to get out but not having the means to do so. Even if I did, where would I have gone in Detroit? Too young for clubs, but when I did come of age, none of the joints were places I'd want to be caught dead in. I had a ton of angst and wanted to see the Dead Kennedy's or the Circle Jerks but instead was offered grade D versions of Thin Lizzy. Ann Arbor was the only place to go to get any hint of diversity. It's sad to see the motor city is worse off today than 30 years ago -- year after year civic leaders would put forth ideas on how to revitalize the city. What a hell-hole. I wish I could be surprised by its continued demise but when its main industry pumps out crappy designs/product for 40 years, there's little to expect other than doom. Sad for the people who really have tried to make a difference.

2009-03-31T16:16:00.000-07:00

2009-03-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

Embarrassed I haven't done much lately so I'm dumptrucking various notebook sketches just so March doesn't disappear without any entries. You find your motivation wherever you can...

2009-02-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

My old friend, Andrea, recently resurfaced while I've been developing Futurama figures for Kid Robot, and, naturally the two came together. Well, I coulda pushed it a helluva more than this but it is what it is.

2009-01-30T14:20:00.000-08:00

The Masked Nu-Nu.

2009-01-29T11:34:00.000-08:00

This is Mister Nu-Nu and he's merely a concept inspired by my son, Oliver. Unlike our first child, Oliver loves his pacifier. Whenever there's more drama than his 22 month old brain can handle, he winces and whines for his "nu-nu." It's going to be a problem weaning him off the thing but, for now, it's his answer to life's kryptonite and our chance to take a breath before deciding what to do next. So I got to thinking maybe there's something more interesting that can be done with a pacifier like making a family of vinyl pacifier dolls. I'm thinking collectible art, not actual baby accessories requiring mountains of paperwork due to government regulations. In any event, there's some real potential to design some good stuff with this...

2009-01-23T11:46:00.000-08:00

This is a Fink-inspired Bart concept that never got farther than what you see here. I like it a lot but I can't argue with the decision that it's just too aggressive for a boy, who by nature, is too much of an underachiever to ever behave like this.

2009-01-20T13:49:00.000-08:00

This is a painting I did for our department's 2008 holiday party gift exchange. Usually, folks get to choose from booze, reading lights, gift cards, whoopee cushions or cheese with the price tag still attached. No one ever goes home disappointed. But do they go home happy? Knowing the quality of my work is comparable in cost to a wedge of gouda, I decided painting a little something is potentially more fun than receiving one of the aforementioned gifts. It's also a bit more satisfying than re-gifting a nose-hair trimmer.

In any event, I did paint this but I'm not completely comfortable with calling it a "painting" which, in some ways, suggests it's a work of art. It's really nothing more than a tiny manifestation of my brain. No great meaning. I don't even have a title for it. It's more of an exercise. However, I do have a small fascination that it could end up in a coffee table book as evidence that I developed my talents further than anyone could have imagined. And there you have it: a goal.

2009-01-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

It was Jennifer's birthday yesterday and I decided to abolish her straight hair for something circa 1976 last seen pressed up against Kristofferson's chest.

2009-01-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

So for any of you who have been in a fever to find out what happened with the logo for the "I Dig Your Boyfriend" volleyball team, well, here it is. I decided the gopher was too cute no matter how perverted I made him. Naturally, I turned to the passionate intemperance of the unicorn to broadcast the team's commitment to winning. Combined with the heritage of a respected crest, this team has likely won their match long before touching the sand.

2009-01-14T10:47:00.000-08:00

My office faces David's office so I really have no choice but to doodle his smirky ways more times than I care to admit. Seeing that it's almost 11 and he hasn't arrived yet suggests I'll have ample motivation to doodle his bloated, hungover mug in-between my money-making responsibilities.

2008-12-31T13:05:00.000-08:00

Zooey and I wish you all the best in 2009.

2008-12-31T10:21:00.000-08:00

These are two more possibilities for my brother's friend's volleyball team... I think I need to explore different options not including this gopher -- I like it but seems too cute. For some reason I keep thinking about a Greek guy wearing a headband circa 1977... what's that about? Where in the rulebook does it say a volleyball team can't proudly display a feta-loving sheep herder from the golden age of disco?

2008-12-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

Day three of Hannukah and T-minus two days before Christmas, and, surprisingly, all is relatively calm and in order. The kids and Katrina are taken care of and I'm fairly certain I won't be receiving anything which isn't a bother because the things I really would like aren't for sale or cost way too much. Besides it's all about Zooey and Oliver... or at least that's what I keep reminding myself. Be that as it may, I scribbled/painted/smudged this wee-ditty together as a gift for someone, probably my wife. I think she would prefer I possessed skills not unlike Monet or at the very least shared his scenic sensibility. Instead she gets this. Poor thing.

2008-12-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

I think some of us often feel like dancing for joy but, really, when was the last time you did it?

2008-12-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

So the skinny on this is my brother's buddy has a volleyball team and they need a logo. I was asked to do it but being busy with work stuff, I haven't been able to give it my full attention. As a bit of a joke I suggested they needed an animal mascot who likes to dig like a badger, mole or gopher. I remember Tex Avery doing some fun critters so I syphoned some inspiration from him, combined it with the volleyball team's love of sex and this is my starting point. The gopher looks like he's murdering the ball instead of loving it but with some finessing maybe I can make it appear sweet, disgusting and sporty all at the same time.

2008-12-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

2008-12-01T11:00:00.001-08:00

Yes, I'm back. Hopefully I won't be taking anymore three-month sabbaticals anytime soon, but if I do, I promise I'll have more to offer than whatever I just posted. My daughter has been prolific in her drawing lately and inspired me to carve out a few moments to begin our family holiday greeting card. Naturally, the wife hated it and asked for a cute kitten wearing a red bow poking its head out of a stocking hung mirthfully from the mantle... well, truthfully, I only assume she said something like that after I tuned her out for not weeping with awe over my ass-clown-crazy talent. Whatever the case, I'll be developing a few more options trying to capture the yuletide cheer so please check back soon to see what happens. I don't know yuletide cheer so the chances of it showing up here is doubtful but you never know. As for this robot/reindeer thing, I may or may not try to finish it off... admittedly, its direction may be too abstract for the family card but it was moderately fun to do.

2008-08-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

After our yard sale, we're going to a hotel in Oxnard to wallow in the fading glow of another summer. It's just two nights but not having been on vacation for longer than I can remember, I think we'll have a great time. Of course, the reality of keeping Oliver and Zooey happily occupied for any extended period of time can sometimes be an effort of exhausting proportions, but I'm naively optimistic the sand, surf, sun and lots of grapes will minimize the whining. I expect Katrina to be buried in a book the entire time and may look our way only if one of us comes bearing chardonnay. You gotta admire her consistency.

2008-08-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

Zooey does have some similarities to that fictional Plaza kid...

2008-08-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

I visited my daughter's school last night to meet her new teacher and some of the new parents who I didn't speak to because I wasn't interested... in any event, I found myself describing Zooey to the teacher as a tempestuous flower of beauty, grace and unpredictable malevolence. Well, actually, no, I didn't say that. Instead I bumbled on about her ways and wondered why everyone felt compelled to wear sandals -- I understand the need for toes to freely frolic but feet are not attractive. Unless you're in the privacy of your own home or in a nude-feet designated zone, your peds need to be covered.

No promises but I like the beginnings of this drawing and maybe I can expand it into something more finished. Who knows, maybe I can even paint it on a skateboard deck? Yeah.

2008-08-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

While poking around the computer, I found one of the birth announcements I made after Oliver's arrival. You probably don't remember receiving it and, consequently, never truly realized the joy associated with the arrival of the world's most amazing boy. Sure he wimpers a wee-bit more than I think is necessary and he's closer in size to a peanut than a dump truck, but he's without a doubt the best son I've ever had. The world is now and continues to be a better place because of Oliver. By now, most of you know he's here, has six teeth and likes to eat dirt more than grilled cheese. At first, I was confused by his ways, but now remember that much of what can be understood has little to do with how life truly works. Something else befuddling is my wife: she didn't want me to send this out. I don't know her reasoning nor do I think I'd understand; the ways of a lunatic are best observed and not engaged. Be that as it may, I know she wanted all the world to know of Oliver but, perhaps, she wasn't comfortable with the breast-like petals hanging pendulously above the boy. Nonetheless, here it is: Ollielujah. Let's rejoice again.

2008-07-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

It was Cynthia's birthday not long ago and I was asked to make a card for everyone in the office to sign...

Overall, things have been OK. It helps that life is so overwhelming that it blights out most of what is burdensome. My wife wants to raise chickens on a farm... I have no interest in poultry and the solitude of rural living is frightening but I must admit I'm intrigued. Especially if I get to have a herd of labradors.

2008-07-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Here are three pieces I made for Katrina... usually I just give her a check for $50 or a starbuck's giftcard whenever I'm in a giving mood, but due to our poorness, I converted old cardboard into expressions of wit and daring using gouache, ink, pencil and spray paint. My wife was impressed with my frugality and resourcefulness... she even used one of them to swat a fly.

2008-06-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

My God. I was just in the men's room, looked in the mirror and discovered three giant hairs sticking out from my ear. What the hell is that about? Being closer to death than birth, I realize these rogue hairs will be sprouting from my head more frequently so I routinely check and exterminate these impish tendrils. That being the case, how could I have missed 'em? So confused. This truly is no world for old men.

2008-06-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

Here are a few I noticed looking for Captain Jack and a trip to that special island...

2008-06-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

I did manage to escape for a quick beer while in NYC and from those moments of solitude amongst a few down-and- outters, I sketched-out a tiny design which I inked and colored and now sits forlornly here.

2008-06-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

While the timing is face-twisting late, I just came across this picture of my friend, Kat Lusher, who enjoys hanging around tourist spots and having strangers snap pictures of her. Here she is on Easter Sunday in San Francisco. Mortifyingly, Kat left the house without her bonnet but after a few strokes of the pen, the exhuberence of bunnies and Christ was resurrected.

2008-06-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

My apologies for not writing or drawing sooner... there was this little thing called The Licensing Show which just concluded last week in New York City. It happens to be our largest and most important sales/promotional event of the year. Lots of effort, time, money and planning goes into it to insure we, Fox, execute against our strategy with as much impact, style and success as humanly possible. We were successful but not before slipping into the bowels of hell... definitely the worst show I've been a part of. Fortunately the chaos from behind the scenes never manifested to the front meaning no one will be any wiser. This little sketch was slowly cooked during one very long night of preparation preceding the beginning of the show. It's so good to be done but equally sad to not be in New York.

2008-04-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

This is our marketing director, Cynthia. She's very thin, very fashionable and very much not in favor of this rendering. She's also very available to any of you fellas out there interested in dating a sophisticated woman... Cynthia loves witty repartee, chivalry, vodka and coprophilia.

2008-04-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

Today's self-portrait: Wow! Am I having a good time.

2008-03-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

It's been a heckuva week. Nothing catastrophic – just the usual meshugas. This is a little nugget I concocted during a meeting today...

2008-03-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've been messing around with drawing this guy for awhile...it's the best one I've done but it still falls short of where I'd like it to be. I really want to distort it but to do so would suggest he's got more personality than he's shown and I'm suspicious his depth of character ain't too deep. Maybe I should do a "SHAG-like" interpretation -- the guy is so stylized perhaps that's the way to go? In any event, he hasn't a thought worth remembering and nothing he says suggests that will change.

Aside from all that, Oliver turns one tomorrow and I still haven't bought him a gift. I did find a $150 front loading tractor made out of solid wood that's really cool but one wrong move and his bones would be shattered forever. I've been looking for spaceships too, but the best I've found are these rockets (coolrockets.com) that have potential but aren't necessary suitable for a kid his age and I don't think they're quite as cool as the guy thinks they are. Godzilla is another choice but the collector freaks have scooped the good ones and God-only-knows how much lead and other carcinogens are pressed together to make the world's greatest monster. My other choice is a little wooden car made by the Scandinavian company Playsam. However, all the design nudniks around the globe have pilfered them as self-serving desk trophies in honor of their superior aesthetic sensibilities which means the little buggers are sold out. I think I'll go to Giant Robot after work.

2008-03-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

I just haven't done anything worth posting lately so instead of doing what I should be doing, I've created this little ditty out of my love for Helena Bonham Carter. I haven't seen her in Sweeney Todd -- I haven't been inside a theater since January 1, 2004 (the day before my daughter was born) -- but she looks terrific in the clips. (Funny but I've always had an attraction for psycho heroin hags.)

2008-02-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

Valentine's was a week ago but the love keeps on coming. Well, actually, the love, if there is any, has and continues to be clobbered unmercifully by exhaustion. My wife is feeling it pretty bad these days and if I were at home raising two small children, I'd be laying face first in the soggy moss of our backyard. She, too, would be there if she had the energy. But today is slightly different for me... you see, today is the day where I meet up with my buds and play hockey at the Staples Center. (That reminds me: I need to take a mouthful of advil.) We do this like twice a year. Lots of trash talking and accusations of man-on-man love making... one guy even went so far as to compare himself to Rob Lowe in the movie "Youngblood" and suggesting he would do to me what Rob did to some bearded knucklehead. Are you kidding me? Hard to believe he's channeling Rob Lowe to get up for a game – what a maroon. Anyhow, it should be a blast and I'm hoping my old legs churn more than convulse. We'll see... Aside from the hockey, we do this to honor a pal of ours, Chet Peterson, who died during a game two years ago. He was only 30 or 31 at the time and was an amazingly good person whose skills on the ice were surpassed only by his humanity. His smarts, generosity and perseverance were and continue to be an inspiration... he's a reminder to do the right thing and take advantage of living before it can unexpectedly end.

2008-02-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

This is my son's genius pediatrician who freely theorized calamity upon him one sunny, Friday afternoon. This enabled my wife to hysterically fear our son's future is cataclysmically doomed... naturally, the weekend was ruined. What a fuckhole. He clarified himself on Monday and Oliver is now expected to live long and happily. Dr. Dumbass needs to be punched in the face.

2008-01-31T18:16:00.000-08:00

Clearly I didn't earn my paycheck today. Someone in the office mentioned Reese Witherspoon and her chin so I thought that might be fun to draw. As it turned out, the fun was much less than expected. There was no point going any further... as Jim Franzen used to say: I'm polishing a turd.

2008-01-31T14:24:00.000-08:00

Just goofin' around... who better to goof with than Kim Jong-il.

2008-01-29T10:12:00.000-08:00

Damn! I just had a sneezing fit -- what the heck is that about? I hate when some little devilmite finds its way up my shnozz and there's nothing I can do but sneeze. And after sneezing a million times, it's still there! Then the dizzyness and hot flashes come... it's like getting kicked in the head but instead of pain, my unsecured brain debris is now floating around looking for a new place to rest which is completely upsetting to the synapses, neurons, meninges and rhododendrons. It's woozy chaos.

2008-01-10T16:16:00.001-08:00

My daughter tells me what to do; my wife tells me what to do; my boss tells me what to do; everyone I talk to already thinks they know what I'm talking about but the truth is they know less about more than I do. My ability to understand whatever is happening around me is severely compromised because I'm not smart and I'm tired and my brain is soft (or is it hardening? – whichever leads to memory loss and dullness is what I have). In any event, I can hardly breathe without thinking I'm doomed... don't worry: this is not a cry for help. But each day passes by and it seems like another opportunity to do something great has been wasted.

Let's see, what did I do today? After waking up at 6:30, I made a bagel with cream cheese for Zooey and started coffee. Most people probably flip a switch on a machine or buy their java from a coffee hut... not us. We have an elaborate way to brew our junk which results in something that's definitely not worth the effort. Why? Because we're broke and buy whatever shit is cheapest at the crappy supermarket. Anyhow, after all that, I walked outside to get our newspapers. We get the LA Times and the NY Times. The former is horrible but necessary because you need a local paper. The only part of the the NY Times I hate is Sunday's Style section because it reminds me of everything that's wrong with contemporary culture. Anyway, while retrieving the papers, I noticed the wife's front passenger tire is low. Since she drives the freeway with both kids to Zooey's school, there's no way I can ignore it: I gotta pump it up. It's still early so I'm thinking I can do it without disrupting the morning's routine too much. Wrong. Zooey wakes up and freaks. After 412 explanations of how I'll be back in two seconds, she agrees to let me leave.

Later at work, my boss repeats the word "rich" a b'zillion times to a vendor he selected to develop artwork for Dragonball – a live-action movie based on the animated series. Oh boy. Then he tells them he would maybe-perhaps-possibly like to see stuff in 10 days because our super-big boss needs to tap dance for the show's originators in Japan. They didn't blink but, man, you could tell they weren't happy. I tried to spin some sugar on it all but realized I sounded only slightly less phony than the cheese... I lowered my head and doodled.

2008-01-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Showing Crumb drawings to my daughter last night and hearing from a former Disney artist inspired me to sketch-up my first Mickey in four years. Being completely off-model is my own special touch.

With my previous post of strippers and this lo-brow concoction, I think I need to find a bowl of apples and pears. Thank you and have a pleasant day.

2007-12-27T12:24:00.000-08:00

My buddy, Mike, asked me to create a logo for his hockey team featuring a stripper and the number seven... I'm finally doing it. Well, I should say I've finally begun working on it. Why so long? I needed reference and found my inspiration from Bill Wenzel. The 60's pin-up style is pretty sweet: it's got the curves from the previous decade mixed with a hint of jet-set. (The pig tails and bangs are maybe too rockabilly but a personal favorite.) These are my first sketches and will likely morph into something else... I'll dump this into illustrator and begin illustrating to see where it goes. Since it's ultimately going to be an embroidered crest, it must stay simple which is where I want it to be anyway. I'm not convinced either seven is what I want but I'm happy with the 3/4 positioning.

2007-12-26T13:04:00.000-08:00

Christmas was good. My son woke up at 4:30 crying to be fed or maybe he dreamed he was getting blocks instead of a go-kart, a remote-controlled helicopter, a catcher's glove, a Dino Cicarelli jersey and a car stereo. Whatever his reasons, his wimpering triggered his sister to awaken and it was on. Somehow we cajoled Zooey into waiting another hour before unbaring Santa's offerings, but we did and all turned out well. Except I bought Zooey a kitchen set that's identical to the one she loves so much at school and, well, she pretty much ignored it. No problem...it's a kitchen. But for $300 bucks I was hoping for at least a wink of approval. Katrina says it's an investment for the future: once Zooey is done with it, Oliver can play with it. Maybe. Maybe after he breaks his legs trying to jump over the house on his bike he can pretend to bake a cake that grows into a gargoyle that only eats idiots and craps them out on the planet Zoltron. That's my boy.

As you can see, these visuals have nothing to do with anything. I think I'm done with monkeys and donkeys or at least in this style.

2007-12-21T15:24:00.000-08:00

We had our departmental holiday lunch today and this is what I wrapped and tossed into the pile. It was a bit weird submitting a painting for a gift but it was cheaper than buying a bottle of Stolichnaya. It's cute. Everyone said they wanted one too -- that was cool.

2007-12-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

Well, here's my holiday card. It's okay. These things always kill me...each time I try to do something witty and clever, the few skills I have disappear. I do like what I started with Katrina -- she has much more interesting features than I usually show. It also helps that she's dog-tired making her that much more fun to draw. She pissed me off the other day and I drew a little portrait of her that was damn ugly -- perfect! (I think it's best to keep it off here for the time being.)

Anyhow, happy holidays.

2007-12-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

My drawing abilities have crawled in a hole in a meadow of holes and it's going to take me some time to find them. Some might argue why bother...others may suggest this in an opportunity for me to focus on other pursuits...and then there might be a few who will celebrate my hiatus by going on a bender. Whatever. It's not fun to have meager talents and be left with little more than self-pity when they disappear.

I just learned my lovely friend Jaronna has viral meningitis which is by far better than bacterial meningitis -- the latter will eat your brain effectively dashing your dreams of being a Samba champion. She is so lucky. Don't you love when something crappy happens to someone and somebody will say how fortunate that something even more shitty didn't happen to them? Speaking of shitty, I think a person exposes themselves to the risk infected meninges by touching poopy holes or licking public toilet seats or having intercourse with feral donkeys. Or someone can just cough in your face and you're screwed for two weeks.

Happy day two of Hanukkah. I was telling my daughter the story of eight-day-oil-miracle and my wife ridiculed me. I think tomorrow night is the night my wife places my daughter's wish list in an old shoe on the window sill and the elfen fairy will take it to St. Nick for fulfillment. Good luck.

2007-11-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

This is my first attempt at our holiday card which will likely turn into a present for my mother-in-law.

2007-11-20T12:23:00.000-08:00

My lovely wife reared her ugly ways this morning, and, well, this is my response. I did let her know I think she's a knucklehead but it's unlikely she absorbed anything I said due to her Evil Fever. Sigh.

2007-11-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

This is my officemate, April. She's a ballerina in a sea of silly string when she's not doing her day job. Naturally, I've exaggerated her proportions which is always a risky move due to a woman's proclivity to being insane. Oh well. Thanks to John Quinn and his affinity for cherubic ladies as the person most responsible for this interpretation.

2007-11-14T11:29:00.000-08:00

It's not as if I'm feeling particularly evil although I will admit I failed to blink at a mom who was walking her child across the street to school today. Perhaps it's because I just saw Borat again and the scene where the horned, monster jews were running through the street is still fresh in my mind. I'm not much of a jew nor am I particularly devilish but I've aspired to be more of both in my lifetime. At present, I have no interest in either. In any case, here is portrait #4. (It's occurred to me I need new experiences otherwise I'll be drawing myself forever more. Sorry.)

2007-11-07T18:02:00.000-08:00

Moderately productive day. I had cheese, salami and yogurt for lunch...I wonder what's for dinner. Here's portrait #3.

2007-11-06T17:48:00.001-08:00

Just what everyone was waiting for... portrait #2.

2007-11-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ollie still likes to be swaddled with one arm free to express himself. His yelps have ascended to garbled blather.

2007-11-06T15:09:00.000-08:00

Last time I wore a white shirt I slobbered coffee upon myself. Today I've been slobber-free but still fearful of being stained. And who's to say the stain must be visible? My three year old daughter was recently exposed to America's Top Model, a weight-loss infomercial and The Disney Channel by our babysitter whose brain must have evaporated due to her low-grade fever. Babysitter aside, what sort of stain must my daughter bare because my wife and I decided to absorb a few cocktails leaving our kid to battle the ignorant ills of American culture? If there's a lesson to be learned it's to make sure the next time we leave the house, we need to party like rock stars in a porno pit while watching monkeys waterboard Dick Cheney. If I'm gonna screw up my kid, I gotta be compensated.

2007-11-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of trying to do a self-portrait of myself for 30 days straight but knowing myself the way I do, I'll likely find something marginally less gripping to waste my time on. But who knows? I tend to do this junk when faced with having to do other more important junk. What I really need to be working on is a birthday illustration for Erika, holiday cards for us and a wacked-out design for my sister. Mmm...the chances of seeing more me drawings are increasing.

2007-11-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

I'm loving my wife today for some inexplicable reason...best not to question.

2007-11-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

My halloween wasn't anything like this...

2007-10-31T12:38:00.001-07:00

Oliver loves his mommy. Ollielujah!

2007-10-31T12:29:00.001-07:00

This is Ollie before he emerged from his mother's womb. I sent this image to some family members and my beguiling wife tried to bludgeon me with hate. Sure, she could have said I was a lazy-ass louse for poorly attempting to add respectabiliy and humor by including a Tex Avery character into my drawing...that would have been the proper critique. Instead she brain-dumped about clogging everyone's emails with something she wasn't fond of. Whatever. The good thing is Oliver's chin isn't so recessed since leaving his mother's churlish fluids and he's sweet as pie.

2007-10-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

Little Miss Pink going to bed way too late.

2007-10-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the hell this is or why I'm posting it...perhaps, one day, it will remind me I should stop wasting my time and do something I have no knowledge about or, maybe, it will reaffirm my current path of doing stuff I'm clueless about. Either way, it's a win-win. Hooray for me.

2007-10-31T12:03:00.000-07:00

This is Alex. He used to work with me at Fox but has since decided he'd rather rub nuts with his boys at Film Roman. Alex rarely did any work for me, but when he did, it was pretty good...after I fixed it.

2007-10-31T11:56:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Andrea (ON-dray-a). She's from Carmel and now is a fashion designer and recovering alcoholic living in New York City. She's crazy good.

2007-10-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Here's an Alte Kockers logo I created for my alte kocker mishpocheh -- he's still yet to make a hat out of it. I guess I'll have to do it. Probably a good idea seeing we're at the doorstep of another holiday season. Sheesh.

2007-10-31T11:48:00.000-07:00

I can't bring myself to buy a card when I can make something crappy myself.

2006-10-09T11:57:00.000-07:00